The Edge Beckons

The Edge Beckons



Angel:

Angel.

Can I call myself that anymore?

I have finally destroyed all that I was. All I would ever be. I’m not Angel, and I’m not Angelus. I have given up my hopes, my dreams, my passion. It all burned away in the fire. Now I come to terms with what I am.

I am empty.

A body that can walk and talk but is at it’s core without emotion. I took it all and shredded it and fed it to that beast within me. Not Angelus, the demon, but the darkness of my mind. It had always been there. I always fought it, but now… What’s left to fight for?

My friends and my enemies are all want to get inside my head. Trying to understand me. Like it’s the most fascinating place in the world. They thought they understood, but I’ve been pushed too far.

Now it’s all changed, I do what I can, what I must. What the darkness tells me to do. I must destroy all that makes me feel a shred of humanity, of passion.

Darla.

My sire, the Darling one. I will kill her, it’s painfully simple and gone and dead is all that’s left. I couldn’t kill her in the fire. The only way I can truly destroy her, all that makes be feel, is to drive that stake through her heart myself.

I can kill her. I will. I must.

Kate:

That bastard.

He let them die. He just as well should have killed them himself. Just because they were his enemies… our enemies, didn’t mean that they should have died that way. I trusted him.

I’m tired of this game we are playing.

It’s time to stop this sickening balance of truth, lies, and trust.

I’m going over there. He’s gone too far. It’s time to end it.

That fucking bastard.

Angel:

I sensed her before she stepped in.

Cop lady, Cordy calls her.

Kate.

I knew what she was thinking, I understood things with ease. That empty spot where my emotions were was being used to understand others, their emotions.

She came there out her own free will. But, I had smelled fear, uncertainty, and doubt. The room upstairs was dark and she was a little lost human who knew that everything she feared as a child was real. She would come down there; she was no coward. She’d come down because she trusted me even though she shouldn’t.



Maybe a month ago she had trusted me with her life. I would have been overjoyed to have her accept me. But now all that hope is gone. So now she shouldn’t trust me. Not anymore.

Kate:



I walked into the basement of the hotel. It was quiet… Unnaturally quiet, so I knew he was down here. Vampires just have this uncanny ability to make things completely silent when they want to. That’s part of how I sense them. It’s as if every creature, person and machine would dare not disturb them



"Angel?" I called uncertainly into the darkness. Then I remembered why I was there and that I was mad at him. I needed to quit acting afraid. Why was I afraid? He wouldn’t hurt me. ‘In case you haven’t noticed, he left a room full of lawyers to die at the hands of two soulless vampires. He’s not himself and there’s no telling what he will do to you.’

"Angel come out!" I called again, trying to sound as angry as possible, instead of following the first instinct to get the Hell out of there.

No reply.

"God, it’s just like you." I said, exasperated.

A pair of hands reached out of the darkness. They took me gently, yet firmly, from behind by the arms. I tried to wriggle out of the grasp but it held me still with unnatural strength. "Except it’s not like me." His voice. I was relieved a bit at first but then… it sounded empty, devoid of emotion.

"Angel let go of me." I demanded but he didn’t move or loosen his grasp, didn’t acknowledge that I even spoke. "How long are we going to keep playing this game?" I growled hiding the fear in my voice as best I could, knowing he could still hear my heart speed up and the scent of it on me.

"We haven’t been playing for a while now, Kate." He turned me around to face him. I held back a gasp when I looked into is eyes. Though the pale lights of the city shone down on his face through a small window, his eyes were black, empty and emotionless. A true darkness as I had never seen in him, or anyone before. Even when I saw his true face there was some twisted life to it, not what I saw there. I held my breath when he released me but I couldn’t move even though my mind was screaming at me to get away. And it didn’t help when his hands gently brushed my hair away from my face and neck. His fingers touched the scar he gave me. "I thought you understood that."

He tone was cold, uncaring. And I couldn’t help but wonder who could have done this to him? He had been so strong and proud, a protector. He was empty, so empty with the eyes of a killer that had long ago given up the joy in his work and did what he did because he had too.

‘He’s just trying to scare me…’ I told myself silently, over and over.

Slowly and gracefully like a wolf stalking in the forest, he turned around, walked to a chair and sat down as if it was only one simply movement.

Regaining my courage I allowed myself to remember again, the reason I had come. "You let them die. You let them kill those lawyers." I accused, not moving as if my feet were rooted to the ground.

"How do you know I didn’t help?" he countered with that same voice, so alien to him, as I knew him.



Angel:

‘You should kill her, get her out of the way. She’s in you way. She stands in the path to you to your obedience to me.’

‘I know I should kill her.’

‘Than do it. You don’t serve your soul, you don’t serve your demon, you serve me.’

‘But I’m not going to, end of discussion.’

‘If you can’t kill her then you aren’t ready to kill them. They’ll take you.’

‘I can kill them, you’ve seen me try.’

‘You can’t fool me, Angel, I am you. I knew they would survive. They didn’t live this long to be destroyed like that. They know you best. But you’ve never let them see me. And you thought it was a battle of two for your mind, I was gone so long you thought you were rid of me. I’m here now. I surpassed him in darkness and evil. Now embrace it. Destroy all that stands in your way of peace, you’ll feel so much better after you do.’

‘Yes you are me, Then you know why she’s different, why I can’t kill her.’

‘Even with me in control, you’re still a slave to your soul. It’s sickening that I’m a part of you.’

‘Where is Angelus?’

‘He has been pushed down and silenced. You and I, Angel, we are the survivors, though I’m surprised that you didn’t fall and Angelus did. But soon I’ll destroy you too.’

"Angel, you wouldn’t have killed them, it’s not like you." Kate’s voice snapped me out from my mind.

"Yeah? Well I’m not quite myself lately."

"What happened to you? You’re not… you’re empty."

"Leave now Kate."

"Why? Are you afraid to talk?"

"Yes, and I’m afraid I’ll kill you." I told her honestly. "Now go."



Kate:

I slowly stepped back rubbing my arms where he grabbed me.

"Angel." He didn’t move "I won’t forget, Angel. Not again. Not like things were last time. I turned my back on you when I met you and you turned out to be the good guy, Then I turned my back on you again when I found out what you are and then you proved me wrong. I blamed you for my father’s death and you showed me that you were not the one responsible, the one I should lay the blame on. I don’t blame you Angel, for his death, for anything. I can’t because every time I do you prove me wrong. Your one of the good guys, remember? I kept denying that and every time I’m proved wrong." I said though it took so much effort as I didn’t want to but was desperate for him to come back.

"Leave now Kate. Please." His voice cracked with slight emotion and I knew I was getting to him, he cared. "You’re only giving him more reason to kill you."

"Him?"

"Me." I slowly walked away, up the stairs. I didn’t look back.

"If you need me I’ll be there for you. I’ll save your life just as you’ve saved mine. I know you hear me Angel. Don’t stop fighting." Then I left, marveling at my words to him, words I never would have considered saying but was afraid not to. I hoped he heard me, really heard me.



Angel:

‘So she encourages you along. You fool. She’s making you weak! I can make you strong but you mustn’t let her interfere.’

‘Yes.’

I was obedient to the darkness; I did what it told me because it knew what I wanted, because it was me. But hearing Kate say all that…



‘You brought on the deaths of so many before, why is she so different?’

‘You know why.’ The Darkness nearly did the mental equivalent of falling over.



‘LOVE? LOVE!!? … Nothing, NOTHING is more evil than love.’ The Darkness spat ‘It makes you do foolish things, Angel. You love Darla as well. And Buffy! You’re so filled with love that it sickens me. And what is your obsession with blondes anyway? They’ll be your end.’

‘I don’t care and I know what you think so quit pretending.’

‘No you don’t care, as you shouldn’t care about anything besides your peace, unfortunately you will never gain that either. See? I’ve stopped pretending. The edge beckons, Angel, the edge of insanity, and now all I have to do is wait for you to respond, and jump.’



Kate:

I walked out of the Hyperion, a little sad and a little confused with my head down and watched the street pass beneath me.

What had happened to Angel and how could I get him back?

So deep I was in thought that I failed to notice the four vampires that had surrounded me. Their faint growls brought me out of my mind and back to reality.

"A little late for a walk isn’t it?" The leader taunted, proudly showing off his game face. I managed to look bored towards him. And then I sighed, acting as if he was no more than an annoyance, "Why aren’t you afraid?" He asked, puzzled.

"Because if you lay a finger on me I can guarantee that every one of you will be killed." I said with a smirk, allowing myself to relax and confidence to shine, it actually felt better that thinking about Angel and what he had become, even knowing that this wouldn’t last and that I would possibly… probably die now.

This act wouldn’t last.

"You aren’t a slayer, you’re too old… they never live that long…" He said uncertainly, the other vamps looked at each other in fear. I resisted the urge to ask what a slayer was and instead allowed my grin to widen.

"Well apparently I did. If you value your unlives than go." I continued confidently. "Or on second thought…" I pulled the stake that I always kept tucked away.

The vampires jumped and began to move away when the leader yelled, "Stop, don’t be fools." He looked me in the eye, letting me know he had figured out my scheme. A chill ran down my spine. "She is no slayer."

The vampires returned and swarmed me, realizing I had made idiots out of them, making them angry.

"Well I was going to give you a simple draining but now I think you deserve something special." The leader growled.

With a simple motion of his head, he signaled the three fledglings to attack. I managed to stake one, but the other two came around behind me from either side, restraining me before the dust had settled.

The leader strode up confidently. His eyes locked on my neck as I struggled in vain. He took one hand to brush away the hair that fell over my neck. And the scar…

"What… You’ve been claimed." He growled. "Is the one who did this still existing?"

I nodded, unsure of why that would mean anything.

For a moment he thought, than growled. I shut my eyes, preparing for it to happen once again. For the pain of the fangs slicing into my throat, for the numbness and fainting sensation as the blood was drained from me. And for not waking up with in the hospital with the steady beeps on the machine, letting me know I’m alive. My mental preparation for death.

But when I opened my eyes they were gone.



Angel:

I watched her from the window, the whole scene as it unfolded.

Now she will know.

I turned away from the window with a sigh. Vampires respected the claiming which meant Kate was safe from all the vampires.

All but me.

"And you want me to kill her." I told the darkness aloud. "Well I won’t"

The darkness didn’t respond. Perhaps it is gone now.

"What happens next?" I asked no one.



Kate:

I don’t know how fast I ran home.

And I didn’t stop to think about why I had been spared until I had crossed the invisible barrier of my home.

After I slammed the door I allowed my head to rest against the hard wood as I breathed heavily. Too close… too close. I could have died, I could have come back and become everything I despised.

A criminal.

No, A murderer.

‘Relax Kate you haven’t, you were spared… why? He said… I had been claimed?’ I thought frantically forgetting the ‘relax’ part.

The bite marks.

My hand flew to my neck as I felt the scar.

Claimed.



Angel:

I guess I’m not emotionless anymore. I can’t stop it or control it. Them.

My emotions.

They won’t go away and I can’t make them.

I must see her. I want to see her.

She’ll be afraid and confused now. She won’t understand. I must make her listen. Being claimed by a demon is not the end of the world, as a matter of fact, because he was the demon in question, it was a good thing…

Other than the initial bite.

Being claimed meant she would be safe from all the other vampires out there. But not him. If they saw his mark and if they knew he survived they dare not break the ancient code.

The one law among vampires that very few, either ignorant or the powerful will dare break.



If a vampire takes a creature and the creature survives then that creature is saved from all others for that vampire until either vampire or creature is destroyed.

She was his. She belonged to him.



Kate:

I lay, sprawled out of my bed, staring at the ceiling. Letting the thoughts come and go until I would finally fall asleep.

But I couldn’t.

Every time I close my eyes I saw him. He was there, holding me, my body pressed against his. His fangs in my throat and the thoughts going through my mind.



I’ll see you soon daddy.

His words had snapped me out of it.



Stay down or they’ll kill you.

Instead of killing me he had saved my life. Why hadn’t he killed me? Did he care? Was that it?

He still had so much to explain to me. Why he was different, why he fought, why he cared, why he hadn’t ripped out my throat and spilled my blood all over the floor then lapped it up from the wound and then leave me to bleed to death…

Nice description, Kate.



‘Just let the thoughts pass’

I was just about to fall asleep when I glanced, sleepily at the window expecting to gaze off outside and the lights of LA.

But a shadow occupied it.

I shot up from my bed and backed toward the entrance of my apartment. The shadow didn’t move. Part of me wondered if it was a person or…

Its shape was vaguely human, crouching, looking towards me.

It looked like Angel.

After what seemed to me an eternity, it seemed to disappear. Dissolve away into nothingness, which made me question if I had seen anything at all.

After staying rooted to the ground for several minutes I finally moved to go back to sleep.

But I could only stare wide-awake at the ceiling.



Angel:

Poor Kate, soon now she will start to think of me. She will see me wherever she goes and she won’t be able to keep me out. She will become obsessed maybe even go mad…

All of this is a result of the claiming.

I’ve done it to others, played this game where I ‘bite and release.’ But I was Angelus then. Not Angel, not the darkness. Things will be different this time, a lot different.

It did happen with Buffy but I’m gone, out of her life. If I had stayed I wouldn’t have been able to keep her away. A vampire’s mark meant they where claimed, but it didn’t make them a slave.

Unless that person let it do that.

I never understood it really but it something about… being spared made them feel like maybe their pointless live had purpose.

Part of me is guilty for not telling her about this.

I need to help her. She needs me now.

She may not want it but she does.



Kate:

‘Screw this’ I thought, as I rolled out of bed. What was the point of lying there if I couldn’t sleep?

I needed to go out. Needed the fresh… or smoggy air.

I picked up my red coat, the one from the night of the shroud. He hadn’t gotten any blood on it. Nothing was wrong with it except for the memories attached. I hesitated, staring at it.

Sighing I hung it back up in favor of a different one.

Stepping out for the first time in what felt like months but was more like two hours, I walked lightly down the streets with no destination in mind, just pushing away the deep thoughts.

I walked, unhindered by any unholy creatures for over an hour. My mind was blank but part of me seemed to be screaming. I didn’t listen I just kept walking. When I finally stopped my hand came to rest on a chain link fence that was cool in the warm Los Angeles weather.

Arching my neck back I looked up, finally coming to. Shock and confusion suddenly replaced my laziness.

I was in front of the Hyperion.

Shoving myself back from the fence with all my strength and hearing the clinks as it shook. My eyes were open to their widest, looking upon the Hyperion like it was the palace of Hell.

How? How had I ended up there?

My emotions were bared and no one was around to stop me so I sank to the ground.

I cried.

I kept trying, over and over to keep away from him and I had sleepwalked to his home. Why? Why couldn’t I get rid of him?

Was it this? This mark on my neck that he had given me?

I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked gently.

Why me?



Angel:

I felt her presence so I moved to the window. There she was, tears streaming down her face. So beautiful. So perfect.

There it is.

The secret of the claiming. It doesn’t cause the human to become obsessed with the vampire. They do that themselves.



‘Kill her.’

It was the other way around.



‘Take her’ the darkness begged.

A vampire must kill, biting is not enough.



‘DO IT!!’

That’s why he had to get away from Buffy and stay away.

"Please just kill her." I found the darkness was using my mouth.

It’s why no other vampire would dare take her. It made them mad. To bite and not kill. They needed to feel that last heartbeat.

I needed to feel it.

And then if the vampire didn’t get it their strength would grow and they would destroy everyone who stood in their way. And it is worse when their target is killed.

Revenge would be the only thing in the vampire’s mind.

That’s it.

That’s what I had sacrificed for her.



Kate:

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up I was being carried.

The arms were strong and cool. It reminded me of when I was a child and I had fallen asleep and daddy would carry me upstairs and put me to bed. And he’d wake me up when he moved me but I’d pretend to still be asleep so he’d carry me all the way up.

Was I in his arms now?

But as I looked up I only saw him.

I gasped. His eyes shot to me.

"No… no…" I pushed against him but he wouldn’t release me.

I struggled frantically but he just kept carrying me until he reached his room.

He kicked the door closed as I started yelling out, but I knew no one would hear me, this hotel was empty.

He slammed me down onto the bed, quickly restraining me. I could only lay there under him and wait for him to decide my fate. This wasn’t Angel…

This couldn’t be Angel.

Adjusting his hands so that he held both my wrists in his left hand above my head, he used his free one to brush the hair from my face. He continued to run the back of it down my face onto my neck, where it lingered a moment, and then down my chest and stomach. I shuddered at the tingling sensation.

"Kate…" He whispered.

"Angel. Please." I begged. His face changed, shifted to the vampiric visage that had been the last thing so many people had seen. He leaned in closer, his weight on top of me. His free hand slipped under my shirt and began to travel upwards towards my breasts, his hand creeping up my skin.

He leaned in towards my neck.

"Angel!" I shrieked, panicked.

Suddenly the weight was gone from me.

It took me a moment, but I located him. He was backed into the corn, both hands on the wall behind him; he had lost his demonic face and was staring at me in shock.

"Kate." His voice had lost the coldness and lust. "Oh God… I didn’t… I’m sorry."



Angel:

I would have killed her… I couldn’t believe I had let the darkness take control like that. But seeing her afraid, struggling against me when she wasn’t in danger…

I would have to stay strong if she was going to stay safe.

"Kate." She stared at me, eyes wide with fear. "Oh God…" What had I done, what could I have done if I hadn’t stopped him? "I didn’t…" I swallowed and not knowing what else to say, "I’m sorry." I said trying to sound as sincere as I could. Her expression changed, she furrowed her brow in thought.

We merely looked at each other for a moment.

"What’s happening to you? What’s happening to me?" She finally asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"It’s the claiming." I told her finally.

"Claiming?" Her voice wavered in recognition of the word.

"This." I said indicating my neck, her hand shot to the scar. "The bite… I… claimed you."

"You claimed me? What does that mean that now I’m your slave? Is that what’s been happening to me? Why do I see you stalking me in every shadow? Why can’t I stop thinking about you? If I’m gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life then I’d rather you killed me!" She yelled in fear and anger.

"Kate that’s not what it is. The bite doesn’t do that to you. It’s the human’s thoughts…" I tried to assure her.

"You BIT me and it’s my fault?" She said blinking away tears.

"No Kate." I said, trying to gather my thoughts to best explain it. She didn’t yell anymore. She looked away from me, trying to hold back, but she couldn’t. She let her tears fall freely and cried.

I couldn’t stand it. After a moment I made my choice. Walking towards her from my corner, she was so emotionally caught up that she didn’t notice. Only when I sat next to her did she react, crawling away from me towards the back of the bed where it met the wall. She then lay on her side, sobbing.

"Kate I’m not going to hurt you." I said trying to ease her fears but she was no longer listening, just crying, letting out every tear she had ever held back because she had been too proud. I sighed and pulled her up. She didn’t fight this time, only accepted me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I waited patiently until she slowly ran out of tears.

"It’s ok." I told her. "We don’t have to talk about it now. You’re safe here. I won’t hurt you again."

She only looked at the floor, sniffling. I couldn’t tell if she had heard me. I pulled away even though I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay there with her in my arms… forever.

"I’ll go get you some water." I told her as I stepped out.



Kate:

It wasn’t his fault, what he did… I wasn’t afraid anymore though. What was the point? Part of me knew he’d never hurt me and the other knew that even if he did, I was alone there and there would be no point to being afraid, as I would die anyway if he decided to end my life.



‘Helpless’ I thought.

He returned with a glass of water, as promised and offered it to me. I just looked up at him before accepting the glass.

"I’m… a little embarrassed." I admitted, looking up at him.

"So am I." I admitted, pulling up a chair next to the bed. "You shouldn’t be embarrassed though, people need to cry, you don’t need to be strong all the time. But what I did…"

"…Was human. And you didn’t do anything to me. I’ve seen it before but it’s never happened to me. A young guy with perfectly good intentions loses control. Well you’re no that young… but as much as I hate to admit it, you may be a vampire but you’re still a guy. No matter what I said before… you’re a person." She seemed do sincere I couldn’t believe it was her.

"Kate you know I’d never mean to harm you, but I was going to. I wanted to. It’s the claiming. It doesn’t cause the human to become obsessed with the vampire, it causes the vampire to become obsessed with the human."

"Then why have I been thinking so much about you?" She countered, not angrily but rather calmly.

"I don’t know, something to do with how your mind works, I guess. You had a near death experience and the very thing you thought was going to kill you instead not only spared you but also saved your life. You just had a lot to think about I guess." I said, deep in thought.

"Why is it different with you… I mean the vampires?" She asked more to herself than to me.

"I guess it is more of a survival mechanism than anything else." I began, letting my eyes rest on her. "So that no one will ever find out that we exist." I sighed, considering the possibilities.

"Can you control it?" She asked slowly, nervously.

"Yes, it’s getting easier." I told her not quite honestly but to ease her fears somewhat. "But it will never go away. I still have this feeling left over from the last time I…" I stopped. That was enough information. Kate looked at me curiously but didn’t press.

"I’m sorry." She said sadly. "I’m sorry you have to live with that."

"Yeah…" I said, standing up. "You can sleep here if you want… I’ll be down the hall."

"Okay…" She swallowed. "Angel?"

"Yeah?"

She paused, looking thoughtful. "Thank you."

"For what?" What had I done to help her? If anything I should be thanking her for forgiving me so easily, I had done nothing for her but cause her pain.

"I don’t know, for helping me… for showing me that I have someone who cares. You did save my life and you showed me that there was something good in the world, something that would help people and ask for nothing in return. And that was something I didn’t believe in for a long time." She said than she realized what she said and whom she was talking to. "Oh… um sorry…" She said suddenly, embarrassed.

I smiled slightly, to reassure her, "You’re welcome, Kate."



END